The hard work of home.

The hard work of home. 

I love coming home. As someone who travels for 80% of my work the return home is a retreat - for sure. I know that when I am walking through the Nashville airport I am only an hour and a half from being with my kids and wife. Even just the thought energizes me at the end of a work trip. I pull into my driveway, park my truck and step out into my yard. It never fails that I pause in that moment and thank God for what I have been given and what this work I do help provides. I pause because although I am thrilled to be back home where I recharge - I also know what awaits me on the other side of the door. What is there? More work. Work I enjoy, but it is still hard work.

Checking back into my life at home used to be very challenging and, depending on how long the trip is, it still can be. Home is hard work. I have closer relationships with my "coworkers" at home and a couple of them even rely on me for their existence. I have a "coworker" who covers for me when I am away and she deserves a break when I make it back. Sometimes I feel like I work two jobs: work-work and then home-work. Both have people to please, deadlines, goals and dreams. I don't want to fail at either of them, but I am so tired from both. Why am I choosing to do things that are hard and tire me out? I would be lying if I said I have never thought: "life might have been easier if I was a bachelor with no kids living in a studio apartment." Honestly - it would be easier; so much easier.

If you are married with kids you know I am right - it would be easier. In comparison though, easier sucks. Let's talk about easy things:

It is easy to eat at McDonalds

It is easy to watch TV all day

It is easy to work a job you are too good for

It is easy to skip church on Sunday

It is easy to have superficial relationships

Easy sucks.

Now, let's talk about hard things:

It is hard to work a job that challenges you

It is hard to acquire wealth

It is hard to maintain a lifelong committed relationship

It is hard to give up sleep to build a relationship with your child

It is hard to be involved in your child's education

It is hard to instill good values in the lives of your kids

It is hard to save for the future

Hard is awesome.

I tell my son all the time that he can do BIG things, he should be brave in life, if he wants to be happy he needs to be good and his hard work results in reward. These things are not easy at all - but they are awesome.

Let home be hard work. It is hard to have honest conversations about dreams, desires and feelings - but marriages are stronger when you do. It is hard to make time to build your relationship with your son - but there is more joy in life if you do. It is hard to give up watching football to instead watch your daughter's dance recital - but you won't regret it when you do.

It isn't natural for us to choose hard over easy, it is a habit that takes time to form. It is a habit worth building though.

What is one thing that you know would be better if you worked a little harder at it?

Relationships are a crutch.

Relationships are a crutch!

I was always the guy at the school dances that was just hanging out, I went  bowling but never threw a ball, I went to the mall but never bought anything, swung by the pool party but never got in - I have always been interested in being around people. Engaging in banter and discussion is one of my favorite things, I don’t even care what the subject is, or who you are. I want to be around you more than I want to be by myself. 

Not everyone is as extreme as I am, but God created us for relationship and because of that we all have a deep desire to have community. Whether a little community here and there, or even being around community but being left alone to spectate. We have a built in need to be in community. This need comes from God, he created us to want Him, and to want other people. The church is the way that God intends us to live out this need we have for community - with both Him and others. 

It is a pretty common idea that people seek out religion (or church) as a crutch for life, as if they need something to get them through the day. I have found that churches sometimes take offense to that, thinking that it makes their relationship with God less. Honestly though - the church is a crutch and as needed as a physical crutch is to a boy with a busted knee so is our need for a relationship with God (and each other.) People have a need for something greater than themselves. Christians understand that this need is for a savior, but many find help for that need in other (insufficient) ways. 

Why is this a weakness? This is like saying: "you need to eat food, what a weakness. You need to breathe? Man it must be hard for you to be so needy!" That is ridiculous! We have a need for community with God and other people and it is a good thing to crave it! How we fill that need is the important thing to focus on. Spending time with God's word and with other Christians is where we need to start. This has to be intentional though - there are too many distractions to authentic relationships with both God and others. Television, laziness, books, this blog... We have plenty of things that we can invest our time in that don't foster real relationships and community. It is a good idea to intentionally set aside time every day for relationships. Carve out time for your relationship with God (prayer and bible study), your relationship with spouse and kids and also some friendships that know you and your family. 

Consider some intentional "real talk" with your spouse every day: share the ups and downs of the day and then talk about a dream for the future that you both share. Listen and talk. 

Try to spend time with your kids doing something they want to do and then something you want them to do. We help develop habits in our kids by what we do with them. Let them know that you are interested in what interests them but also encourage them to good new habits and activities. 

Your family needs friends. If you are a two-parent and two-kid family search out friends that are similar in make up. Single moms need other single moms, young couples need other young couples. Developing honest relationships with others in the same place as you is very important. 

What relationships in your life help "prop you up" when you need the help?

Do you need to adjust your life to intentionally add in more community with other Christians?

How can you be intentional this week with building a better community around you and your family?