The death of mentorship.

The death of mentorship. 

I feel like I woke up one day and I no longer had mentors. I am not sure how it happened, but it did. No longer do I have any older man in my life that I regularly look to for guidance and consult  on hard issues that I face. What happened?

I was lucky to have a father that I lived with all the way until I was 18 years old. Having an older man in my life that was interested in my future was a huge blessing. My dad wanted me to make good decisions and he was there to give guidance when it was needed. I also had a relationship with a youth pastor that always encouraged me to choose God's best for my life and protect my integrity. I would say that these two men (and a few others) had a remarkable influence in my life that helped me to mature into the man I am today.

Something strange happened around age 23-24 though. All of a sudden I no longer had older men speaking into my life. What happened?

Titus chapter two talks directly to the idea of older men and women pouring into the lives of younger men and women. In the church it is a responsibility of older men to help guide and support younger men as they mature and love their families. The same is true for women. Are we doing this as a church? It is easy to talk about how churches fall short of the bar set in scripture - but it is sometimes hard to take personal responsibility for it. If the church is failing - people are failing. So, who is responsible for making sure there are mentor relationships active in the local church?

I suggest that if we want to solve this problem we need to have the older generations of Christian men and women find younger believers to mentor. If this is you let me give you a few pointers as you step up to the role of mentor:

• Don't mentor someone who doesn't want a mentor. Futile. 
• This doesn't have to be formal - just pour into the lives of the younger generation. 
• Mentoring is not focused on "fixing" problems, it is focused on encouraging good choices. 

Another thing we need to help solve this problem younger Christians seeking out older mentors. If you find yourself without an older mentor - do something to fix that. Here are a few ideas as you seek out a mentor:

• Mentors don't have to be perfect, they just have to be good encouragers. 
• A mentor is not a boss. If you want a boss to tell you what to do with your life, join the military. 
• Having a mentor doesn't mean you aren't a mentor yourself. Everyone should be focused on helping and encouraging a younger person in the faith. 

Who can you mentor?
Who can mentor you?
Are you willing to allow yourself to be influenced by someone else?

Relationships are a crutch.

Relationships are a crutch!

I was always the guy at the school dances that was just hanging out, I went  bowling but never threw a ball, I went to the mall but never bought anything, swung by the pool party but never got in - I have always been interested in being around people. Engaging in banter and discussion is one of my favorite things, I don’t even care what the subject is, or who you are. I want to be around you more than I want to be by myself. 

Not everyone is as extreme as I am, but God created us for relationship and because of that we all have a deep desire to have community. Whether a little community here and there, or even being around community but being left alone to spectate. We have a built in need to be in community. This need comes from God, he created us to want Him, and to want other people. The church is the way that God intends us to live out this need we have for community - with both Him and others. 

It is a pretty common idea that people seek out religion (or church) as a crutch for life, as if they need something to get them through the day. I have found that churches sometimes take offense to that, thinking that it makes their relationship with God less. Honestly though - the church is a crutch and as needed as a physical crutch is to a boy with a busted knee so is our need for a relationship with God (and each other.) People have a need for something greater than themselves. Christians understand that this need is for a savior, but many find help for that need in other (insufficient) ways. 

Why is this a weakness? This is like saying: "you need to eat food, what a weakness. You need to breathe? Man it must be hard for you to be so needy!" That is ridiculous! We have a need for community with God and other people and it is a good thing to crave it! How we fill that need is the important thing to focus on. Spending time with God's word and with other Christians is where we need to start. This has to be intentional though - there are too many distractions to authentic relationships with both God and others. Television, laziness, books, this blog... We have plenty of things that we can invest our time in that don't foster real relationships and community. It is a good idea to intentionally set aside time every day for relationships. Carve out time for your relationship with God (prayer and bible study), your relationship with spouse and kids and also some friendships that know you and your family. 

Consider some intentional "real talk" with your spouse every day: share the ups and downs of the day and then talk about a dream for the future that you both share. Listen and talk. 

Try to spend time with your kids doing something they want to do and then something you want them to do. We help develop habits in our kids by what we do with them. Let them know that you are interested in what interests them but also encourage them to good new habits and activities. 

Your family needs friends. If you are a two-parent and two-kid family search out friends that are similar in make up. Single moms need other single moms, young couples need other young couples. Developing honest relationships with others in the same place as you is very important. 

What relationships in your life help "prop you up" when you need the help?

Do you need to adjust your life to intentionally add in more community with other Christians?

How can you be intentional this week with building a better community around you and your family?