tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-50410272024-03-12T20:04:21.669-07:00lukerameylukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-69440538889844897802014-06-27T10:07:00.001-07:002014-06-27T10:07:20.212-07:00Doing what you love.<div>I <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> don't have the luxury of explaining what I do for a living in a few words. Sometimes I am very envious of people who can say "I am a teacher", "I am a doctor", "I am a nurse", "I am a tax accountant" (okay, I am not envious of that one.)... I remember once my mother-in-law overheard me tell someone I am a Merch guy (speaking specifically about a series of events I do work for) and she excitedly asked me: "so that is what you do? You are a Merch guy - I can tell people that Luke is a Merch guy?" <b>That is the first time I realized that I frustrate those who want to be proud of me.</b> I can only imagine the utter fear my mom has when people ask her "so, what does your son do for a living?" I am sure she scrambles knowing that I do stuff, but not sure how to explain it. I want to apologize - it isn't fair to all of you who love me and want to brag about how awesome and successful I am. </span></div><div><br></div><div>I think my wife has figured it out though - after years of trying to explain I am pretty sure she has just resigned herself to answering the question: "what does your husband do for a living?" with "whatever he wants - I guess." Most of me wants to fix the problem, I want those who love me to be able to define me professionally a little bit easier. It isn't fair that they have this amazing person in their life and they have a hard time defining them in just a few words. So here it is - this is what I do for a living: </div><div><br></div><div>I am joking - I can't really define it like that. <b>Rest assured though, I do what I love.</b> I can't think of anything more miserable than doing something I hate for most of the day so that I can then, completely worn out, do something I love. I am not interested in just working for the weekend (which is kinda funny, since I generally work on weekends). I don't have an aversion to work, I like to work - <b>I am just not convinced that you have to hate your work. </b></div><div><br></div><div>Work consumes a good portion of life - is it worth it to hate something that consumes that much of your time? Let's say you work 50 hours a week and sleep 50 hours a week. That is 100 of your 168 hours. Add to this driving to and from work, eating meals (to stay alive) getting yourself ready in the morning and preparing for bed at night - that is going to be another 22 hours. Do you go to church every Sunday - you are looking at a normal 3 hours of time to make that happen (4 hours if you are super spiritual). So now we are at 43 hours of life to enjoy and we haven't even talked about kids. Hopefully you love your kids and spending time with them and for them, but kids dirty dishes and laundry and have practice and recitals. They burn time. If you have 2 kids, 43 hours burns quickly, so quickly that you probably feel you are coming short of what you need. <b>There is no time to capture what you love - life becomes all work and family obligations.</b> Please don't hear me wrong - I do love my family; they are my favorite thing. I am not talking about spending time with your spouse and kids as something you don't love - but so often the only time we have to spend is spent on the obligations that support the life of the family. There is no time for enjoying family. </div><div><br></div><div>So what is the answer? It is simple - do what you love. The answer is simple, putting it in motion is another story, but we can start small. Here are some ideas:</div><div><br></div><div> - <b>include your kids in the "work" of family. </b>Let them drag a bag of garbage outside with you. Let your kids rinse the dishes while you are loading the dishwasher. Kids are pretty good at matching socks - celebrate every match! Do the work with your spouse - doing things together is always better than apart. </div><div><br></div><div> - <b>Find a hobby you enjoy that makes money.</b> My wife makes cards (and sells materials), hangs out with girlfriends (and sells them bags) and she loves couponing and hunting for grocery deals. I like building things (so I sell them). Monetizing a hobby lets you do what you love and offset the need to do what you hate. </div><div><br></div><div> - <b>Reevaluate what standard of living you require.</b> If eating out moves from a standard to a special activity you will save money and time. When you look at available time, maybe canceling your satellite TV or cable makes a lot of sense - is that really what you want to be spending your precious time on anyway? Great Value makes some good products. Is that quality coffee worth the time you spent to get it? How nice of clothing do you want and is it worth the time you are spending to afford it? What are you driving and is it worth the time you spend? <u>Let's start evaluating the cost of things not in dollars, but the amount of time is costs to afford it. </u><b>Time is scarce and finite.</b> </div><div> </div><div>The path to doing what you love is not short and it will probably force you to reevaluate what you love. I know I am still heading that direction - I love interacting with people, being home, building things, making spreadsheets and counting shirts. I hope that every week I am moving closer to those things and farther away from the things I hate. </div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-8493069495482502602014-06-15T21:03:00.001-07:002014-06-15T21:03:59.480-07:00Father's Day.<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Andrew told me last week: "I am ready to start working with you Dad, but I need you to teach me to count by twelves." I have a hard time disputing that this is really one of the most necessary skills with some of the work I do. This exchange helped me to look again at my role as a father. In a society that no longer passes on trades and professions from one generation to the next, how will I prepare my son? It isn't a given that Andrew is going to grow up and do the work I do. <b>However, Andrew is going to grow up and it is likely that he will become the man I am. </b>The truth is that if I want Andrew to grow up and be like me at work I have to teach him how to count by twelves - but more importantly, <b>if I want Andrew to grow up to be the man I am (or better) I need to teach him what I know about this too.</b> </span></div><div><br></div><div>Chances are good Andrew isn't going to grow up and do merchandise work selling t-shirts, maybe though. There is a great chance that he will grow up, be married, have kids, interact with people who have needs, have in-laws, face hard times, experience abundance, question his faith, and a slew of other normal things am American man faces. <b>Andrew said it best, "I need you to teach me".</b> As a father I need to teach my son how to be, if I don't - society will. I do this mostly by modeling behavior. </div><div><br></div><div>Television has done a great job of devaluing the role of father. Fathers like Al Bundy and Ray Ramono have shown us how dads are the butt of the joke and fail as leaders in their household. I know that these shows are funny. I laugh at them all the time, but if this was real life - I would cry knowing that this is the model these kids have to grow up with. Television has given us some good dads too. Cliff Huxtable, Mike Brady and Andy Taylor - what wonderful pictures of fathers fathering.</div><div><br></div><div>Dads, if we don't step up and father - the television will. The truth is that most fathers are not like the negative ones on television. Most fathers don't come home from work, kick back the recliner and drink a sixer till they fall asleep only to wake up and make negative sarcastic remarks at their wife and kids. <b>Most fathers aren't doing overtly negative things, but are we doing overtly positive things?</b></div><div><br></div><div>My wife would agree; the best thing God did in my life was give me Andrew. Andrew changed the whole game for me. Becoming a father shaped me in a way that nothing else has or could have. Andrew helped make me a better husband; a better man. On Father's Day I always find myself remembering and comparing who I was before fatherhood to who I have become through it. I am so thankful that God did this. I love being a father because I know the value it has added to my life. The change in me was truly unbelievable. </div><div><br></div><div>Although I have been blessed through this, my job now is to pass on this blessing to my kids. I need to teach them how to be, what to be, where to be, why they should be, and even who to be. <b>I feel like I have the responsibility to train my kids up in the way I want them to go. </b>I want Andrew to love his wife, understand the value of work, enjoy work, give to those that are in need, make known the love of God through Jesus. I want him to do the right thing, always tell the truth and love people. This is the way I want him to go - so now I need to work a plan to train him in it. </div><div><br></div><div>Happy Father's Day and good luck!</div><div><br></div><div><i>What is the way you want your kids to go?</i></div><div><i>Are there trades or skills you could pass on to your children?</i></div><div><i>What aspects of faith and spirituality do you want your kids to embrace?</i></div><div><br></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-57494814187933874912014-05-30T21:25:00.001-07:002014-05-30T21:25:37.570-07:00The value of a thing.<div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Things, in general, have value to me. Whether I have a use for an item or not, I normally can find someone else who does have a use for it and can sell it or gift it. My eyes were opened to the value of things when I got married. Kelly comes from a junk yard family. Her grandfather and father both have owned and operated a junk yard for her entire life. Kelly grew up with a nurtured sense that things, no matter how tattered and worn, have value to someone - and so they had value to her. I can't imagine that this guiding principle was intentionally passed to her, but it was passed. Kelly finds value in everything. A scrap of ribbon, a repurposed paper clip, and even old sour cream containers. It doesn't seem to matter what the intended use or life-expectancy of the item was, Kelly sees value in it. </span></div><div><br></div><div>The value of a thing is interesting and a lot of times value is distinguished by the consumer of it. Rarely does a creator of an item get to set value for the item. The value of an item is almost always determined by those who choose to purchase and use the item. For Kelly, when she buys sour cream, she is buying a product out family uses a lot plus a container she will continue to use over and over. The value of this item is probably higher to her than it is to those who simply throw away the container after use. Consumers set pricing based on what the market will allow. This gives us a value for the item we are evaluating. </div><div><br></div><div>By this point you are probably trying to figure out what I am getting at. This idea of valuing is not foreign to anyone who lives and works in the United States. <b>However, when we evaluate people we need to be careful not to use our free market economic principles. As a Christian I believe people are valued because God has given them value. </b>In this instance an item (a person) is given a value by its creator, not by its consumer. A person is not something that the creator has put up for sale, it is priceless because it can not be bought. <u>Much like my wedding band - it doesn't matter how high the offer gets, it isn't for sale. </u><b>The creator isn't selling. </b></div><div><br></div><div>Does this change things for you? God considers you priceless; he also says I should consider you priceless. Since I am generally in the business of living how God instructs - I do think you are priceless. <b>You have such great value that it is futile to try and put a number or a degree on it. </b></div><div><br></div><div>Do you have anything that is priceless? I actually do; my son is priceless (daughter too... But let's just talk about Andrew). There is nothing I could be given in trade for Andrew. I don't ever want to let him go - and I would gladly fight anyone who tried to take him to my own death. I think about Andrew constantly, whether I am wondering what he would think about a place that I am working in or if I am just looking at a menu and find myself choosing what he would eat (even when he is not there) - I am obsessed with Andrew. I am obsessed because he is of huge value to me. Things that are of huge value cause us to obsess over them. This is the relationship God has with us. He is obsessed with his priceless creation - you (and me)!</div><div><br></div><div><i>I just don't live like I am loved by God like this. Do you? </i></div><div><i>How does should this change my life? Should it?</i></div><div><br></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-42790550036525565802014-05-20T09:36:00.001-07:002014-05-20T09:36:47.378-07:00Why go to church?<div><br></div><div>I travel a lot, most of it on weekends, so I miss Sunday morning service with my family often. There was a time when I only made it to church about 6-8 weeks a year. This is what I like to call "the miserable years". There was a time in my life I wondered if a local church was even something that was needed. It was common for me to question whether the organized church was a mistake for Christianity; maybe church wasn't supposed to be so organized? Because of this I stopped making it a priority to be involved with a local church and instead leaned on the idea that "church" was simply all Christians I came into contact with. This seemed ideal as it removed a bunch of obligation from me and allowed me to live by a schedule I determined. The problem is that I didn't realize what I was saying goodbye to. <b>I said goodbye to the local church, but I also said goodbye to accountability.</b> </div><div><br></div><div>The organized church provides such a safety for the Christian. It "dummy checks" a person's faith to maintain a minimum that keeps a Christ follower, following. People might be offended by my qualifying the church as "the minimum", but it is. It isn't a minimum requirement for salvation; please don't think I am submitting that. It is a minimum if you want to be in a growing relationship. <u>I am a firm believer that if you lack a relationship with the local church you lack the fundamental element to a growing relationship with Christ.</u> You are a baseball player without a team, a swimmer without a coach, an employee without an employer, you are a non union stage hand at a union house. It isn't going to work - you can try and pretend, you will fail to grow closer to Christ. <b>Christ hangs out with his wife - if you refuse to hang out with his wife, you won't be hanging out with him. </b></div><div><br></div><div>It all changed for me when I reached the bottom and I had no one to pull me out. I had no real relationship with the church and when I was in need I looked around and had no one. When you reach this place it is easy to live a sinful lifestyle because there is no shame and there is no guilt. I was lost like I had never been lost before. I had Christ, but I had no relationship with his family. <b>I was the lost son that took half the truth my Father had and ran into the world thinking I could do it better on my own.</b> It would have gotten worse and worse, but I loved my wife and the evidence I refused to see in my own life I saw in Kelly. It made me hurt and a change had to happen. We decided to attach ourselves to the church Kelly grew up in and the church we were married in. The result was a new love for "the minimum". We checked in on Sunday mornings (and I hit Sunday nights when I could). I sat under the teaching of scripture regularly and the change in my life was remarkable.</div><div><br></div><div>I go to church because I need to be taught, I need to have accountability,<u> I need to be in a place that will help me feel guilty and full of shame if I am living in sin. </u>It makes my life better - it makes my relationship with Christ closer when I am okay with hanging out with His wife. <b>It is coming back home to my father's house and giving up the pigsty. I need the better life that the local church offers.</b> </div><div><br></div><div>To my friends that are doing their faith on their own and not a part of a local church. They are judgmental, they are inclusive, they do call sinners out, they take our money and spend it on useless things, they act like they are better than us and then hypocritically do as we did. They are messed up and broken people who are often too full of pride to admit it. In short, they are just like you and you should be friends. </div><div><br></div><div> </div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-23187145318826576042014-05-11T09:02:00.001-07:002014-05-11T09:02:22.909-07:00Mother's Day blog.<div>It is Mother's Day. I don't have a lot of over-the-top respect for moms in general, but I do for my mom, and her mom. I have respect for my wife (who is terrific) and her mom as well. I wouldn't say that all moms deserve to be celebrated. Simply getting pregnant doesn't automatically put you in a class of people like my mother. She is phenomenal and if you think you can mother as good as her, that is a great goal but a hard one to reach. If you think you can love your kids like my wife loves our kids I would bet against that - Kelly is amazing. </div><div><br></div><div><b>This is what the day is for; not to blindly honor child bearing women but instead to honor the mothers in your life that have made a profound impact, both with you and your kids.</b> Getting pregnant doesn't make you a good mom worthy of my praise. Giving birth doesn't make you a good mom worthy of my praise. Feeding a child doesn't make you a good mom worthy of my praise. However, being the woman who sat me down and said "<u>always remember if no one else loves you; God and I do - no matter what!</u>" Being the woman who made me a turkey sandwich in the middle of the night, being the woman who gave to me when she didn't have for herself, being the woman who came to my marching band competitions and drove me and my drums all over Minnesota - that gets you my praise! <b>Loving me when it seemed no one else did, holding me when I was hurting physically and emotionally, loving me enough to teach me how to be an adult - that is the mother I respect and love and praise on Mother's Day!</b> Susan Cheryl Buchanan is my mom, raised by a great mom herself - I am so blessed to have been given to her by God. </div><div><br></div><div>There is another mother that has loved me deeper than any other. There is an age old question about whether you love your spouse or kids more. I think it is a ridiculous question and generally not worthy of an answer because how can you "love more" anyway. You either love or you don't. I will say, I love my kids but what moves me more than their beautiful lives is that there is a woman that, with me, dedicated herself to loving my kids! <u>Better than the fact that we love our kids together is that her love for my kids is not dependent on me in anyway.</u> Regardless of how she feels about me, regardless of whether I screw up or come up short - she loves my kids! <b>The best way to love me is to love those that I love. </b>Given the ridiculous question "would you choose to save your husband or your child if you could save just one?" Kelly would pick our children because she loves me and she knows her love for them is the best way to love me. I am blessed to have been given Kelly as a wife - the best mother our children could ever have known!</div><div><br></div><div>How are we? As the bride of Christ; do we love those who God loves because he loves them? <b>What kind of mother am I to a lost child of God in need of kindness, care and love?</b></div><div><br></div><div>Happy Mother's Day to all the moms - I dare you to love your kids like these two women have loved me and mine!</div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-84250792660093589482014-05-06T15:04:00.001-07:002014-05-06T15:04:05.868-07:00Dumpster diving in East Nashville.<div><br></div><div>"Honey, could I ask you to do something for me?" These are dangerous words which are often spoken by my wife. I can't say "no you can't ask me to do something" because then I am not even entertaining the request, but if I say "absolutely" then there will always be that blurred line of whether I simply agreed to be asked to do something or if I actually agreed to do whatever she was going to request. I believe this is a trick that many wives know and use. Men need to be more aware of this smooth way to manipulate, not that we can do anything about it - but I think knowing that you are being manipulated is better than not knowing. </div><div><br></div><div>When I have an opportunity to spend the day with my wife, I generally jump at it. It is rare that we are able to run around together without the kids. It feels good to be a couple doing what couples do. Kelly came with me to work (dropping things off and picking things up) this week and it was great to have her with me. We added in a lunch with new friends and it shaped up to be a great day. I will say though, it could have easily been a forgotten day but then Kelly got that look in her eye (not that look... Unfortunately). As we passed a dumpster I saw her eye catch some furniture that had been thrown out. I knew immediately "the ask" was coming. I made a comment about what great chairs they were, internally dreading that Kelly would want to take home these six chairs. In the time she took to say, "I wonder why anyone would throw those out", I realized I was being given a chance to turn what would normally be a nice, but forgettable, day into a happy memory that we could share. Hopping on top of the dumpster I dropped in warning Kelly that I may emerge with a disease. The look on Kelly's face sealed the deal - this would be a happy day remembered because I went dumpster diving in Eaat Nashville for her without being asked. </div><div><br></div><div><u>Sometimes we need to do the work required to write a story into our lives that is filled with happy memorable moments. </u>Too often we settle for "okay" and "forgettable" in our lives because "memorable" just seems like too much work. When we think about our family we need to be intentional in creating memorable moments that we can hold onto as we grow. Hard, bad, torturous, arguing, crying, sad days will come - it is these memorable moments that will remain and help us to hold on. <b>Unforgettable, happy moments are more times than not, intentional.</b> Whether planned far in advance or not - we remember when we make an intentional decision to experience something. I hope I will always be willing to jump into a dumpster, travel with the kids to Kelly's work, and buy a car on eBay half a country away. <b>These are the things that become unforgettable because the work developed a happy memory we don't want to forget.</b> </div><div><br></div><div><b>What can you do to make intentional memorable moments:</b></div><div><i>Coach your child's ball team?</i></div><div><i>Plant a garden with your wife?</i></div><div><i>Road trip with your husband to your favorite team's away game?</i></div><div><i>Volunteer as a chaperone for your child's field trip?</i></div><div><i>Work the overtime and buy your wife those tickets to Las Vegas? </i></div><div><i>Initiate a dumpster dive for 6 bright orange chairs?</i></div><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-eXFbPE6BEak/U2lcUrXd-9I/AAAAAAAAABU/7IZHHn2YWMw/s640/blogger-image-367079479.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/-eXFbPE6BEak/U2lcUrXd-9I/AAAAAAAAABU/7IZHHn2YWMw/s640/blogger-image-367079479.jpg"></a></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-66380301508707658212014-05-02T08:03:00.001-07:002014-05-02T08:03:14.452-07:00A bigger family.<div>When I was 2 years old my parents packed my sister and me and we trekked to Minnesota. This move was prompted by a job transfer for my dad that had the promise of a better life for us. I was born in Detroit Michigan and we were surrounded by family there. Aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents... there was no shortage of people who loved me simply because I was born into their family. This move changed that. </div><div><br></div><div>In Minnesota we were isolated - a little family in a strange place with no support system other than each other. I was young, it became normal to me to trust a small amount of people and consider family a small unit that had a connection (but not a strong one) to a larger group of people. These are people we would update on our life, but they weren't a part of it. <b>We visited this larger group of people, we didn't do life with them. </b>Family was also something you grew out of. Family was something you distanced yourself from as you got older and started a new one. With these understandings of family, this is just what I did. For better or worse, my understanding of family was small and finite. </div><div><br></div><div>I can't help but think this definition of family has influenced my view of the "family of God". <b>Whether I ever verbalize it, in my heart I have always imagined the body of Christ as something small.</b> It isn't small though, it is quite large (and diverse). My work allows me to interact with this large family and it has challenged my views of how I should be interacting with it. When I first started traveling and working with other local churches I always viewed myself as a visitor, an outsider, hired help - but am I? This is how I have viewed those who visit our local church - heck, we even refer to them as visitors, but are they? Can you "visit" family? Isn't the nature of family that you are included and a part of what they are doing?</div><div><br></div><div>On a recent trip I had the pleasure of being with family I had never met before. These were people who are making Christ known in this world and I was humbled by how they accepted me into their work with them. They treated me like family, and it has forever adjusted how I view the "family" of Christ. Family doesn't always agree, they don't always do things the same way, many times the differences they have can add awkwardness to the relationship - but family does support each other and encourage each other. Also, no matter the differences, <u>we come from the same line.</u> Despite our differences there are an overwhelming amount of similarities. <b>We all share in the abundant and unending love of God and the desire to share that with others</b>. </div><div><br></div><div><i>Where do you draw the line on family? </i></div><div><i>When does family end and friendship begin?</i></div><div><i>How do you change from simply informing family about your life to actually including family in your life?</i></div><div><br></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-67797274237598041422014-04-28T14:55:00.001-07:002014-04-28T14:55:57.502-07:00Tattoo decisionsI have been asked many times if I would ever get a tattoo. The answer is always the same: <b>"absolutely not"</b>. This is a decision that has already been made, many years ago and the answer is never going to change. There are decisions in my life that have been made that will sustain forever. Then there are decisions that have evolved and changed - or could evolve and change. I think it is important to know where an issue lies - is it a tattooing decision or a what to have for dinner decision?<div><br></div><div>I will never get a tattoo. </div><div>I will always love Kelly as my wife. </div><div>I will always follow Christ. </div><div><br></div><div>I might eat at Long John Silvers (not likely though).</div><div>I might eat sashimi some day. </div><div>I might start drinking diet pop. </div><div>I might mow my yard some day. </div><div><br></div><div>I might do those things, but today I would say no. Some decisions are decisions that can evolve with a person - others are permanent and will not change. </div><div><br></div><div><b>How people come to permanent decisions that will never change is heavily influenced by the culture you grow up in. </b>Sometimes positively, sometimes negatively. I will never get a tattoo. I didn't grow up around people who were passionate about tattoos and I had a fair amount of people in my life that I trusted that were opposed to all tattoos. This combination probably led to my permanent decision. The same is true of my following Christ. </div><div><br></div><div>I am not sure, but I would say my commitment to Kelly stems from seeing both what a committed marriage looks like in comparison to what a marriage that ends looks like. </div><div><br></div><div>Sometimes we are so affected by the results of other's decisions that it permanently causes us to choose a certain direction. <b>The people we respect and trust can have a profound influence on the rest of your life.</b> I know that Andrew is watching me and how I respond to things whether that be my fear of spiders or how I treat my wife - my actions and decisions have a profound influence on the rest of his life whether either of us realize it or not. </div><div><br></div><div><i>What decisions will not change?</i></div><div><i>What are you modeling for those who are influenced by you?</i></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-70488078313222970282014-04-25T16:01:00.001-07:002014-04-25T16:01:45.283-07:00Who do you really love?<div><br></div><div>If you know me, you have probably heard me say it before: "Florida is the trifecta of things I hate." When you put sand, sun and water in the same place; I am not interested at all. </div><div><br></div><div><b>I don't think people really like sand.</b> A lot of people view a sandy beach as relaxation and vacation. If this is you, maybe you should throw a couple cups of sand in your bed tonight to help you relax a little? The truth is that people like what sand represents - not what it is. Maybe it represents a good family vacation memory or your honeymoon to Hawaii? For me all the good memories I have that involve sand also involve a volleyball - but I would never say that sand all over my body making me itch was a wonderful memory. The sand was there - but it wasn't the thing I enjoyed. </div><div><br></div><div><b>The sun is the worst. </b>Kelly and I argue about the sun's existence. She claims life could not exist on our planet without it and I argue that God could find a way. She generally replies buy saying: "do you really want to bring God into this? He created the sun and said it was good." She has a point. The sun burns me, makes me sweat and blinds me when I drive - I hate it. I think most people like the results of the sun, not actually the sun. The sun gives us light, warmth and allows cucumber plants to make cucumbers. Those are all great things - but the negatives of the sun are still negatives. I like some of what the sun gives me, but I don't actually like the sun. </div><div><br></div><div><b>Water. </b>I can't tread water. This is the first time I have admitted this so publicly, but it is true. Everyone and their mother has tried to teach me and I have always worked hard at it but it just isn't going to happen. I can swim from one side of a pool to the other, but if I stop halfway and can't touch the bottom I am done for. Water isn't fun to me, it makes it hard for me to breathe. If I have my chest below water I start to get very claustrophobic and short on breath. I just hate it. Now, I like that water helps me get clean, nourishes my body and cools me down on hot days. I like what water gives me, but I don't like water. I wish I could have all those things without having to deal with water. </div><div><br></div><div>Isn't that us sometimes - <b>we like the benefits of things, but we don't actually like the things.</b> Are we like that in our relationships? Do you love your wife, or do you just love the benefits of your wife? Do you love your dad, or do you just love the benefits of your dad? Do you just love what people do for you, or do you love people? </div><div><br></div><div>I think the easiest example I have of simply loving a person is my daughter. Bristol is 6 months old and is super needy and never helps out around the house. I can't name one thing she has ever done for me - but I love her! <b>This is the truest form of love; loving when there is no benefit from it.</b> The bible in John 15:13 talks about there not being a greater love than laying down your life for a friend and I believe that the reason this love is so strong is because you have nothing to gain, only your life to lose. </div><div><br></div><div><i>Do you really love people? </i></div><div><i>Do you really love your family?</i></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-6747596109267125252014-04-23T09:19:00.001-07:002014-04-23T10:02:27.476-07:00No regrets."You only regret the things you didn't do." This is the wisdom of the crazy. For everything you didn't do, there is something you did. If you regret one, you regret them both. <div><br></div><div>Example:</div><div><i>"I regret not taking physics in high school. Which means I also regret taking so many music classes."</i></div><div><br></div><div>If it is true that to regret what you didn't do this means you have to also regret what you did. Maybe you don't regret as much as you think?</div><div><br></div><div>Life is filled with choices, many times they are choices between two good things. A choice between two good things should never inspire regret because then you are regretting the good thing you chose. </div><div><br></div><div>I don't regret not having kids younger in life, because I wouldn't have had as much time to grow close to Kelly. Regret is a powerful thing. It requires you to admit that you wish you didn't have what you have (even if it is a memory) and you wish you had something else. </div><div><br></div><div>So how do we do it? How do we choose between two competing good paths? </div><div><br></div><div><b>First: you pick one. </b></div><div><b>Second: always look for the benefit. </b></div><div><b>Third: never be afraid to change when there is a better offer. </b></div><div><br></div><div><b>Pick one:</b></div><div>I know, we should pray and seek God's direction for things and let him guide our life. Seriously though, maybe he brought us multiple good options that are great - just pick one. The beginning of a successful life is littered with making choices. Some good and some bad - but it is the ability to choose and move forward that allows you to be successful. </div><div><br></div><div><b>Look for the benefit:</b></div><div>Every experience in life can benefit you, but you need to find the benefit. Sometimes that benefit is hard to see at first - but we need to keep out eyes searching for it. Benefits come in a variety of forms. Sometimes the benefit of a business deal is finding out that you can't trust someone. We may feel like that is negative, but knowing you can't trust someone helps you to stay away in the future with bigger business deals. Let learning and growing in knowledge be a benefit and you will never find a situation in life that doesn't have an upside. </div><div><br></div><div><b>Never be afraid to change:</b></div><div>Change sometimes requires you to admit you were wrong - not changing requires you to admit you are right (whether you are or not). What is worse, being wrong but not admitting it or being right and admitting you were once wrong. Arrogance and pride don't make you more "right" - they just make you more stupid. Never be afraid to redirect life to a better path - it means admitting you don't have it all figured out but it also means you are one step closer to figuring it out. </div><div><br></div><div>Change doesn't require regret. Some feel a natural motivation to regret everything they did prior to their current "thing". Just because you want something better doesn't mean that what you have isn't good. Don't regret the good in your life out of a false assumption that "if there is better, I must have failed." Change that comes your way in life is often inspired by figuring out you want better. We should always be thankful for the things that inspire us to better things. </div><div><br></div><div><i>What do you think? </i></div><div><i>Do you regret things you haven't done? </i></div><div><i>Does this mean you do regret what you did instead of it?</i></div><div><i>What changes in life are you considering right now?</i></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-91420058162440202202014-04-21T10:54:00.001-07:002014-04-21T10:57:01.267-07:00Gambling and trusting.<div>I am making a major mistake. I have written something that is entirely too long for a blog post - but it is legitimately a good piece - so I am posting it hoping you make it to the end. I use gambling as an illustration to look at some principles involved in developing good trust-relationships. Sometimes trust-relationships feel like a gamble - right?I hope you enjoy the read!</div><div>----</div><div><br></div><div>I think inside of me is a gambler. Although I rarely walk through the doors of a casino and to this day have no idea how to find a bookie (not that I want to), inside of me in a gambler. I love the thrill of knowing when I don’t know. That is what gambling really is, thinking you know and being right. I think the thrill of gambling is the possibility that you could be as smart as you want to be. You want to be right and you choose to set yourself up for a reward if you really are as smart as you hoped. I have sat down at a few blackjack tables in my life and I generally walk away having paid out more money than I received. However blackjack is a game that can be won by an individual, the game is based upon odds, and odds can be understood and when understood can be predicted fairly accurately. When an experienced (maybe even professional) blackjack player sits down at a table they take into account all the variables that will produce odds, and then they predict how the odds will play out. They know how many decks of cards are at the dealers disposal, how many of each card in in each deck, how many cards will be dealt per hand (this is something that is always changing, but can be observed), and they know what cards they have and half the number of the other players. This is a lot of information. This is really revealing to them the character of the game. On a basic level if you see a lot of face cards (or have seen in previous hands) the likelihood of a non-face card becomes stronger and vice-versa. This information lets the player make a decision that is based on the character of the game and generally that decision can be pretty accurate. When a professional blackjack player loses, they generally know they will before the hand is ever over. With blackjack you can lose even when you have all the information. To a professional it is like watching a baseball game again that you taped... you know that the ball is going to be hit in the gap, but you can not move the man into position, because you are just watching it play out. </div><div><br></div><div>This gambling illustration has some obvious flaws to it, but at the same time sheds light onto our issue of trust. When we look at someone’s character or something’s character, we can predict what will happen in the future. <b>The better you get at recognizing character the better you get at “betting” on trust relationships</b>. You start to hone your skills in choosing people to trust and through that you develop better relationships and steer clear of ones that will destroy you. But how do we get better at this? How do we hone our trust relationship skills? Well in blackjack there are three things that help you hone those skills <i>1. Learning the math, 2. practicing observation and 3. choosing the right table.</i> I think all three of these things can be applied to trust relationships as well.</div><div><br></div><div><b>1. Learning The Math</b></div><div>In Blackjack a normal casino shue has 6 decks of 52 cards (312 total), 96 of those cards are worth 10 (these are the “easy cards”), 24 of the cards are worth 11/1 (these are the “power cards”). Then there are 24 cards that are worth each of the values 2-9. Understanding how the deck is set up is the single most important fundamental in blackjack. Since the objective of blackjack is to get the closest to 21 as possible without going over, knowing how they add up together is also important. Really in blackjack a 3rd grader could do the math. But learning it is a priority to the game. Sometimes we think we understand it only to find out that we thought to quickly and our King, Ten and 2 is a bust. Learning the math of Blackjack is crucial.</div><div><br></div><div>Learning the math of trust relationships is equally important to us in life. We need to understand what plus what equals what. By the time you graduate High School and go into the adult world or into college, you pretty much know yourself. That is information you know, Other people however, you don’t know everything about them. In comparing them to a blackjack deck you need to identify how many cards of each are in the deck. Only then can you understand a person’s character and create an appropriate trust relationship with them. When you learn that a person is easily offended, gossips when given the opportunity and has a poor relationship with their siblings. This gives you needed information; this allows you to understand whom you are dealing with. You know the cards you are playing with, and through that knowledge you start to create the appropriate trust relationship with that person. You also start to understand what about yourself plus them adds to success. A successful businessperson would call this “understanding your people assets, both beneficial and destructive”. <b>Knowing whom you are dealing with is vital in trust relationships</b>. I think this is misstep number one when people develop trust relationships, i<u>f you don’t understand the cards you are playing with and how they add up, you are in for a bad night at the tables of trust.</u></div><div><u><br></u></div><div><b>2. Practicing Observation</b></div><div>A good blackjack player does more watching than they do playing. Observation is key if you want to succeed at Blackjack. Even if you know the aspects of the decks: how many cards and what they are worth, you still need to observe how those cards are being used. You see as hands go on, cards are discarded. So observing which cards have been discarded and which cards are currently on the table is very important. You get to know the character of the deck by knowing what is still left. In most circles this is called “counting cards”. Which is exactly what every good blackjack player does (some better than others). At the heart of being successful in blackjack is the ability to “count cards”. Although this is frowned on by casinos and often times will get you removed from a game, this is truly what blackjack is all about... the only way to be a winner time and time again at blackjack is by being able to keep up and process the cards you observe.</div><div><br></div><div>In trust relationships you need to observe as well. Before you jump into a hand, standing by the table and watching how the cards fall for a while is always a good idea. Seeing how someone reacts to hard-times, stress, success, etc will give you a wonderful look at their character and tell you whether that is a good relationship to be a part of. Observation is something that is safest done from a distance with nothing at stake. But sometimes you have to be a part of the game already to really observe it. Blackjack players sometimes post small bets they know they will lose just to observe cards, this is all a part of the observation process. Sometimes for us in relationships we have to place small amounts of trust in people, even if the math tells us they will fail us, just to observe how it will all go down. <b>Having a trust relationship fail you is not the worst thing, not knowing it is going to fail you or not knowing how it will fail you - that is the worst.</b> Observe, observe, and observe... you can never watch too much. My father always told me to succeed you need to learn and to learn you need to listen and to listen you need to shut up. That is the same with trust relationships, if you want to succeed you need to learn and to learn you need to observe and to observe sometimes you need to not be in a relationship and <u>sometimes you need to not have too much at stake in it</u> (small bets you don’t mind losing).</div><div><br></div><div><b>3. Choosing the right table</b></div><div>There is a lot to look for when you are looking for the right blackjack game to join, some would say the table selection helps you decide how much you will win or lose. At a normal casino most blackjack players don’t know what they are doing, they may know the math... but are probably not observing or applying anything. They are simply relying on their “luck” that day. That causes problems for those who know what they are doing. So as a blackjack player walks around the floor of the casino they are looking for a table of people that generally know what they are doing, or are at least consistent. For a gambler, consistency is success, if they can find consistency they can generally find a way to come out ahead. However, when faced with erratic players that throw money around and take too many or not enough cards inconsistently, the game for the seasoned player becomes harder.</div><div><br></div><div>Again, I think there is something we can apply to our trust relationships here. Finding people who are consistent is going to help us to develop better and stronger trust relationships. People who are consistent can be read and observed better than those who are inconsistent. <b>As stake holders in a relationship we need to build them with others who are going to be consistently trustworthy </b>(or untrustworthy). Oddly enough, <u>consistently untrustworthy is better than randomly untrustworthy.</u> This may sound a bit strange, but it makes since. If someone is consistently untrustworthy then you can trust them, you can bet on that! You can trust that they will continually let you down. I actually think it is pretty healthy to have people in your life that will let you down. If you are building a business this may not be true, but I think in life let-downs help us to develop ourselves. Regardless of whether you agree with me on that, wouldn’t you rather know what you are getting into when you are dealing with people than being surprised every time with a new response to your trust?</div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I think, hands down, these three elements are the essentials for building trust relationships. Without taking into account who the person is, how they react, and their ability to be consistent I think you are doomed for failed trust-relationships. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">What do you think? </span></div><div><br></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-19442179324591210662014-04-18T06:57:00.001-07:002014-04-18T06:57:43.896-07:00Oh yeah... It is Good Friday.I have been asked (twice) why my blog hasn't been focused on passion week this week. That is a good question, to which I will provide an honest answer: "because I haven't been focused on it."<div><br></div><div>What is in front of us, the "urgent", often times trumps the "important" in our lives. This is definitely true in our minds. When our minds are being used to tackle the urgent stuff in our family and at work - it is hard to remember to spend time focusing on the truly important. It is now Friday and instead of my scheduled post (that I set up a week ago) I have slowed down and made the decision to focus on the important. <b>My mind is wired to assume that urgent things are burning to the ground around me as I focus in on the important - but in reality they aren't. </b>(If you are a fireman they might be burning to the ground so understand this isn't meant literally.) They are being neglected, but they should be; they aren't as important!</div><div><br></div><div>Our lives only have so much time. This is true of every day <u>and</u> our entire life span on earth. How we spend this "blink" shows God and others what we value and what we deem important. Jesus spent about 33 years on earth (me too) and during most of it he spent time studying and teaching about mankind, his father and how they interacted. He spent about 10% of that time explaining who He was and who we were to be. Jesus came to the end of his life focused on the important even though it meant many things would go undone. <b>He knew <i>what</i> he should be passionate about and he embraced it - even to death.</b> Jesus had something important to do: rescue mankind from their separation from God. He was focused and would not be distracted by urgent things such as: drinking water, breathing, NOT bleeding to death, etc. Jesus chose the important over the urgent, even when it cost Him His life. </div><div><br></div><div><b>Good Friday is good because Jesus focused on the important job of rescuing humanity</b>. That is good for us. <u>This should inspire us to make Good Friday good as well by focusing on the important job we have been given.</u> Jesus summed up our calling in two statements: <i>love God and love others</i>. He said everything that God has communicated about how we should live is built upon that. So what is important in your life today? What would you die for?</div><div><br></div><div><i>How can you love God with your time and energy this weekend?</i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div><i>How can you love others with your time and energy this weekend?</i></div><div><i><br></i></div><div><i>What urgent stuff do you need to let "burn to the ground" so that you are free to focus on the important?</i></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-23048625336865347372014-04-14T12:13:00.001-07:002014-04-16T07:59:03.636-07:00Love your work!Sitting on the edge of a huge event is exhilarating. The build up that is created through all the planning, preparing - sacrificing energy and time - is leading to the moment you are about to experience. This nervousness, mixed with weariness, has quite an impact on your life. It is as if this event will legitimize your existence as a person. <div><br></div><div>Graduation, wedding, birth of a child, speaking at "that conference", release of the first single from the album, electronic prerelease of your new book, moving day, your child's first standardized test scores... These things are exhilarating when you are on the edge of them. The anticipation thrills us. </div><div><br></div><div>Then, it happens. You breathe in deep because of the pride of finishing and presenting to the world the product of your tireless work. <b>You just shared with the world something of huge value to you. </b>This is huge for your life and you acknowledge that. </div><div><br></div><div>If we could stop at that point and evaluate our life we would get an accurate picture - but we can't. We step through the event and no longer find pride and accomplishment based on our hard work, but instead by the words that others use to evaluate our product. </div><div><br></div><div>"Congrats - do you have a job lined up yet?"</div><div><br></div><div>"This is when the hardwork begins."</div><div><br></div><div>"The song is good, but hopefully the second single will really grab the audience."</div><div><br></div><div>"That was pretty good, do you have any other events coming up?"</div><div><br></div><div>"Sometimes it takes a few days for people to know it is available."</div><div><br></div><div>Ugh. The letdown. Even when you hit it out of the park - people are only interested in what is next. All your work is spent and now you have to do it again. Where is the celebration? Where is the reward? Isn't the work done now? When do I get to rest in the "fruit of my labor"?</div><div><br></div><div>What happened? "When I was doing that last evaluation to make sure I was looking at a successful finish it felt so right. When I was in the middle of it I knew this was great."</div><div><br></div><div><b>If you only love the praise, if you only work for the few minutes of reward, you will find disappointment setting in quickly.</b> However, if you work because you love the work and you don't allow the reward to tell you that what you have invested in is valuable the disappointment will vanish. </div><div><br></div><div>...that college degree is valuable because of your hard work - not because it is a college degree. </div><div><br></div><div>...that song you wrote is great because your work was great - not because it is just a great song. </div><div><br></div><div>...speaking at that conference was an accomplishment because of the work you put in to get there - not because you are there. </div><div><br></div><div>Let your work be the validation for your work. Reward in this life is fleeting - it feels good, but it dissappears. <b>Success does not rest on the shoulders of reward; success rests on the shoulders of work. </b>Successful people do not require the validation of others, but instead, the validation of themselves. </div><div><br></div><div><i>What can you work at that you love?</i></div><div><i>What work would you do despite the potential reward?</i></div><div><i>Is there some kind of work that you feel you could never have too much of?</i></div><div><br></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-59179858000167063392014-04-14T06:45:00.001-07:002014-04-14T06:45:20.705-07:00Winning and quitting.I never won much as a kid. When it comes to participation ribbons, I have them in spades. There are really only a few things I have ever done exceptionally well at - and even those things didn't win me any trophies. <div><br></div><div>The biggest reason I don't have a closet full of football trophies is because I am not genetically set up to be a football player, but a close second is that I was a quitter when it came to football. As early as third grade I realized that I like watching people play football - but I don't like people hitting me. If I had only stuck it out I would be down at the local hardware store right now telling stories about how I almost got a scholarship to play at some D3 school somewhere. My lack of baseball trophies, however, is a different story. I was not only genetically set up for baseball, I had a father who helped nurture me in the sport. I was not lacking for instruction and early on I had a real love for the game. I was quite good. So what happened? I am glad I don't have a "torn ACL at just the wrong time" story - although that would garner more respect. No, no injuries. I just quit putting in the time. Instead, Jr. high brought a new love of music into my life and I began to coast by with the natural ability for baseball that I had. As other kids honed their baseball skills, I let mine become lazy and "just enough". Just enough doesn't get you a spot with the Red Sox (or the Nashville Sounds). </div><div><br></div><div>I can think of 3 or 4 examples from my life just like baseball. I suffer from a common issue in the United States called: "Jack of all trades, master of none". How does this happen? How did I wake up one morning with nothing I am exceptional at? <b>It happened because I woke up every morning choosing to be less than exceptional at things. </b></div><div><br></div><div>Paul tells us that if we want to win the race we need to "press on to the goal"(Philippians 3) and "discipline" ourselves ( 1 Corinthians 9). Winning happens at a low level because of natural ability. When you are competing against a bunch of beginners, natural ability is your best friend. <b>When you are competing against a bunch of "seasoned pros" you better have disciplined yourself - otherwise defeat is inevitable. </b></div><div><br></div><div>I love seeing Andrew succeed, but I also secretly hope for some failure. I hope he gets discouraged against baseball, football, and basketball. I am not a horrible dad, I just happen to realize my kid is more of a mathlete than he is an athlete (I blame Kelly...). I hope he doesn't waste his best "disciplining" years on the wrong thing (or too many things). It is fine to be both a geek and a jock - however, it generally isn't a realistic long term possibility. <b>When you are spread thin, it is hard to run deep</b>. My hope for Andrew is that he finds one or two things that he can "run deep" in. My job as his parent is to help him discipline himself to win the race, but I believe it is also my job to help him realize the race God has set out before him. </div><div><br></div><div>As parents we shouldn't force our kids towards <i>our</i> passions - but let us not spread them too thin either by parading too many things in front of them. They say "winners never quit", which is true as long as they don't quit the things they are good at. <b>Make no mistake, winners do quit!</b> They quit the things that they aren't successful at so they can spend more time focusing on where they are a winner. </div><div><br></div><div><u>So what is a parent to do?</u></div><div><br></div><div>1. Pray that God will show you and your children the passions and desires he has for their lives. </div><div>2. Don't let your kids quit on their passions that they "press towards" and succeed at. </div><div>3. Help your kids quit at the things they don't "press towards" and succeed at. ("Try, try again" is great advice if you are passionate and are actually trying!)</div><div>4. Celebrate accomplishments - <i>all accomplishments</i>. If kids fall in love with succeeding - they will find something to succeed at. </div><div><br></div>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-58185766493380583392014-04-11T06:00:00.000-07:002014-04-11T06:00:11.380-07:00The hard work of home.<h2>
The hard work of home. </h2>
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I love coming home. As someone who travels for 80% of my work the return home is a retreat - for sure. I know that when I am walking through the
Nashville airport I am only an hour and a half from being with my kids and
wife. Even just the thought energizes me at the end of a work trip. I pull into
my driveway, park my truck and step out into my yard. It never fails that I
pause in that moment and thank God for what I have been given and what this
work I do help provides. I pause because although I am thrilled to be back home
where I recharge - I also know what awaits me on the other side of the door.
What is there? <u>More work</u>. Work I enjoy, but it is still hard work. </div>
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Checking back into my life at home used to be very challenging
and, depending on how long the trip is, it still can be. <b>Home is hard work</b>. I have closer relationships with my "coworkers" at
home and a couple of them even rely on me for their existence. I have a
"coworker" who covers for me when I am away and she deserves a break
when I make it back. Sometimes I feel like I work two jobs: work-work and then
home-work. Both have people to please, deadlines, goals and dreams. I don't want
to fail at either of them, but I am so tired from both. <b>Why am I choosing to do
things that are hard and tire me out? </b>I would be lying if I said I have never
thought: <i>"life might have been easier if I was a bachelor with no kids
living in a studio apartment."</i> Honestly - it would be easier; so much
easier. </div>
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If you are married with kids you know I am right - it would be
easier. In comparison though, easier sucks. <b>Let's talk about easy things:</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
It is easy to eat at McDonalds</div>
<div class="Body">
It is easy to watch TV all day</div>
<div class="Body">
It is easy to work a job you are too good for</div>
<div class="Body">
It is easy to skip church on Sunday</div>
<div class="Body">
It is easy to have superficial relationships</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<u>Easy sucks. </u></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
Now, <b>let's talk about hard things:</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
It is hard to work a job that challenges you</div>
<div class="Body">
It is hard to acquire wealth</div>
<div class="Body">
It is hard to maintain a lifelong committed relationship</div>
<div class="Body">
It is hard to give up sleep to build a relationship with your
child</div>
<div class="Body">
It is hard to be involved in your child's education</div>
<div class="Body">
It is hard to instill good values in the lives of your kids</div>
<div class="Body">
It is hard to save for the future</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<u>Hard is awesome. </u></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
I tell my son all the time that he can do BIG things, he should
be brave in life, if he wants to be happy he needs to be good and his hard work
results in reward. These things are not easy at all - but they are awesome. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<b>Let home be hard work.</b> It is hard to have honest conversations
about dreams, desires and feelings - but <u>marriages are stronger when you do</u>. It
is hard to make time to build your relationship with your son - but <u>there is
more joy in life if you do</u>. It is hard to give up watching football to instead
watch your daughter's dance recital - but <u>you won't regret it when you do</u>. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
It isn't natural for us to choose hard over easy, it is a habit
that takes time to form. It is a habit worth building though. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">What is one
thing that you know would be better if you worked a little harder at it?</span></i></span><!--EndFragment-->
lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-58697753178555293142014-04-09T06:00:00.000-07:002014-04-09T07:11:57.586-07:00The death of mentorship.<b>The death of mentorship. </b><br />
<br />
I feel like I woke up one day and I no longer had mentors. I am not sure how it happened, but it did. No longer do I have any older man in my life that I regularly look to for guidance and consult on hard issues that I face. What happened?<br />
<br />
I was lucky to have a father that I lived with all the way until I was 18 years old. Having an older man in my life that was interested in my future was a huge blessing. My dad wanted me to make good decisions and he was there to give guidance when it was needed. I also had a relationship with a youth pastor that always encouraged me to choose God's best for my life and protect my integrity. I would say that these two men (and a few others) had a remarkable influence in my life that helped me to mature into the man I am today.<br />
<br />
Something strange happened around age 23-24 though. All of a sudden I no longer had older men speaking into my life. What happened?<br />
<br />
Titus chapter two talks directly to the idea of older men and women pouring into the lives of younger men and women. <b>In the church it is a responsibility of older men to help guide and support younger men as they mature and love their families. </b>The same is true for women. <u>Are we doing this as a church?</u> It is easy to talk about how churches fall short of the bar set in scripture - but it is sometimes hard to take personal responsibility for it. If the church is failing - people are failing. So, who is responsible for making sure there are mentor relationships active in the local church?<br />
<br />
I suggest that if we want to solve this problem we need to have the older generations of Christian men and women find younger believers to mentor. If this is you let me give you a few pointers as you step up to the role of mentor:<br />
<ul>
<li>Don't mentor someone who doesn't want a mentor. Futile. </li>
<li>This doesn't have to be formal - just pour into the lives of the younger generation. </li>
<li>Mentoring is not focused on "fixing" problems, it is focused on encouraging good choices. </li>
</ul>
Another thing we need to help solve this problem younger Christians seeking out older mentors. If you find yourself without an older mentor - do something to fix that. Here are a few ideas as you seek out a mentor:<br />
<ul>
<li>Mentors don't have to be perfect, they just have to be good encouragers. </li>
<li>A mentor is not a boss. If you want a boss to tell you what to do with your life, join the military. </li>
<li>Having a mentor doesn't mean you aren't a mentor yourself. Everyone should be focused on helping and encouraging a younger person in the faith. </li>
</ul>
<br />
<br />
<i>Who can you mentor?</i><br />
<i>Who can mentor you?</i><br />
<i>Are you willing to allow yourself to be influenced by someone else?</i>lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-34440511463637005282014-04-07T06:00:00.000-07:002014-04-07T06:16:08.474-07:00Relationships are a crutch.<b>Relationships are a crutch!</b><br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<div>
I was always the guy at the school dances that was just hanging out, I went bowling but never threw a ball, I went to the mall but never bought anything, swung by the pool party but never got in - I have always been interested in being around people. Engaging in banter and discussion is one of my favorite things, I don’t even care what the subject is, or who you are. I want to be around you more than I want to be by myself. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Not everyone is as extreme as I am, but God created us for relationship and because of that we all have a deep desire to have community. Whether a little community here and there, or even being around community but being left alone to spectate. We have a built in need to be in community. This need comes from God, he created us to want Him, and to want other people. The church is the way that God intends us to live out this need we have for community - with both Him and others. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
It is a pretty common idea that people seek out religion (or church) as a crutch for life, as if they need something to get them through the day. I have found that churches sometimes take offense to that, thinking that it makes their relationship with God less. Honestly though - the church is a crutch and as needed as a physical crutch is to a boy with a busted knee so is our need for a relationship with God (and each other.)<b> People have a need for something greater than themselves.</b> Christians understand that this need is for a savior, but many find help for that need in other (insufficient) ways. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Why is this a weakness? This is like saying: "you need to eat food, what a weakness. You need to breathe? Man it must be hard for you to be so needy!" That is ridiculous! <b>We have a need for community with God and other people and it is a good thing to crave it!</b> How we fill that need is the important thing to focus on. Spending time with God's word and with other Christians is where we need to start. This has to be intentional though - there are too many distractions to authentic relationships with both God and others. Television, laziness, books, this blog... We have plenty of things that we can invest our time in that don't foster real relationships and community. It is a good idea to intentionally set aside time every day for relationships. Carve out time for your relationship with God (prayer and bible study), your relationship with spouse and kids and also some friendships that know you and your family. </div>
</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<u>Consider some intentional "real talk" with your spouse every day</u>: share the ups and downs of the day and then talk about a dream for the future that you both share. Listen and talk. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<u>Try to spend time with your kids doing something they want to do and then something you want them to do</u>. We help develop habits in our kids by what we do with them. Let them know that you are interested in what interests them but also encourage them to good new habits and activities. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<u>Your family needs friends</u>. If you are a two-parent and two-kid family search out friends that are similar in make up. Single moms need other single moms, young couples need other young couples. Developing honest relationships with others in the same place as you is very important. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<i>What relationships in your life help "prop you up" when you need the help?</i></div>
<div>
<i>Do you need to adjust your life to intentionally add in more community with other Christians?</i></div>
<div>
<i>How can you be intentional this week with building a better community around you and your family?</i></div>
lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-78542082587353298212014-04-04T20:34:00.000-07:002014-04-07T06:16:38.979-07:00Remarkable Kids: Family Friday!Remarkable Kids.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
To change things up a little I am planning on posting something more personal that focuses on my family specifically on Fridays. Family Friday!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
----</div>
<div>
One of the things that I am most proud of right now is my son. Andrew is 5 years old and he is KILLING IT! Andrew started Kindergarten this year at 4 years old and I was very worried that we were starting him too early. School faculty said he would be great, tests said we should start him and he said he was ready. I agreed but was very worried. My fears have been proven unfounded and it is further proof that children this age can rise when challenged and encouraged. I am so proud of him. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Andrew also joined coach pitch baseball this year and again I am worried that he just isn't big enough for this. All his friends are playing and after one practice I know it will be tough for him - but he is very interested so I have to believe it will be fine. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Andrew also has been working with bible drill at church this winter and the season is coming to an end - he is incredible! He has committed to memory about 15 new verses and has learned the references of four new key teachings that are in the bible. I am so happy for him. I can tell that he loves knowing more about the bible and it makes me happy to know that he shares a passion for God's word like I do. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Isn't it true that we can inspire our kids, challenge them to work hard, help them set high expectations and then watch them exceed them? Andrew is special to me - but all children are remarkable and can be successful. So how am I going to encourage Bristol the same way? How will you encourage and challenge your kids?</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
What is one passion you would love to pass on to your child?</div>
<div>
What are 2-3 ways you can pass this passion to them?</div>
<div>
How can you encourage your child this week to work hard to be successful at a passion that is beneficial for their life?</div>
lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-86533764393840536362014-04-02T06:00:00.000-07:002014-04-02T06:00:09.509-07:00No Way Out!<h2>
No Way Out!</h2>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Family, ugh.<span style="font-size: x-small;"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(I was
going to leave the post at this – but since my audience consists mostly of my
family I thought that would be dangerous for my readership numbers.)</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Continuing my mini-series on relationships I want to again
focus on God creating the first <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">eternal</i>
relationships. The idea of mankind being eternal from the outset!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
--------</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;">The greatest part of the creation
story involves two new eternal beings named Adam and Eve. Created male and
Female and one for the other relationship drove the creation of these two.
First, a creation in God’s image<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>and then a creation to accompany the original. The creation story is
almost immediately followed by the story of the fall of man into sin (or out of
relationship with God). In truth we don’t know exactly how long Adam and Eve
experienced the benefit of relationship with God in the Garden – however the
opinions of this range from minutes to years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;">The truth is that it doesn’t
matter, humans were created to be eternal, and that is just what Adam and Eve
were. Come to think of it, that is what we are now. <b>You see, from the outset of
creation, humans have been eternal.</b> At no time were humans any less or more
than eternal. We don’t have a great grasp on what it means to be eternal, but
to be honest I have a hard time imagining 65 years old too! We do understand
that we are not physically eternal because of sin (although we were originally
created that way) – it seems that we retain being spiritually eternal though.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;">To rephrase it another way, when we
were created, <b>there was no way out for us</b>. We exist, whether in this body or
not, and nothing we can do can change that. <u>We are</u>, and we always will be. God is
eternal, and he then created man in his image. We need to come to grips with
the eternal nature of our existence because only then can we truly focus on the
relationship we have with God. It is hard for us because we had a beginning so,
naturally we want an end.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;">--------<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;">When we come to grips with our
relationship with God going beyond the physical limitation of time it should
bring us to the point where we value it higher. <b>Our relationship with God (good
or bad) is never ending. We don’t get to opt out.</b> God’s creation will always be
judged and evaluated based on the relationship between Him and it. The good
thing is that God offers to make us into a new creation when the old one has
lost respect and love for God. This new creation we are made into is like when
a potter reforms clay from one thing to another. The new creation is still the
eternal material God started with, it is now just in a new glorious form that can
again be in good relationship with Him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;"><i>When you think about the eternal
nature of man, how does that settle with you?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;"><i>Do things have to change in your life if you understand that you will exist forever?</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;"><i>What are the questions that come up
as a result of being eternal?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="line-height: 130%;"><i>How is the new creation a better
creation? Can mankind fail again as a new creation?</i><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-85403078721365285062014-03-31T06:00:00.000-07:002014-03-31T06:27:19.424-07:00For Man's Benefit<h2>
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">For Man’s Benefit</span></h2>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">A few years ago I wrote a book
about how God intended for relationships to work. I based everything around the
idea that we were created for relationship – first with God and second with
each other. Actually, I went on to argue that relationship with each other is a
byproduct of our original purpose in creation – not the original purpose
itself. However, I stated that since God is interested in relationship with
people then He is also interested in people having relationship with other people.
That makes sense, right? God wants us to experience the best and if He enjoys
relationship with people then wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) we?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">I have decided to post a series of
excerpts from this book to talk about relationships. This first one talks about
God’s intention in the creation of man – the start of relationship. I have
friends that have really enjoyed a recent series on television that talks about
the creation of the world and origin of life based on the theory of a “Big
Bang” and evolutionary devices. As a Christian, I see the world as more
intentional than that – not because science proves the intentionality of the
world, but because <b>my faith in God leads me to believe that I am lovely and
special; intentionally</b>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">So, below is an excerpt that deals
with one reason for God creating man (and the world).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">------ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">God created man in his own image; man
was created for the reason of fellowship with God. Not so much because God was
bored, but rather because he knew it would be good for us. <b>This is hard for us
to grasp because we create things for the good of us, not for the good of the
item.</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">You could maybe compare this to
planting a tree (but still this doesn’t do it justice). When you put tree seeds
in the ground and start to water them, you are doing this for the good of them.
You don’t really gain much from the growing of these trees. You do gain some,
whether it be fruit from it in future years, or shade while you read a book. If
you are like Kelly and I, you did it because you wanted to get your landscaping
deposit back from the neighborhood association.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><i>-we create pizzas because we want to eat them.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><i>-we create kids because we want kids.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><i>-we create computers to make our lives easier.</i></span></div>
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<br></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 130%;">
<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">That illustration doesn’t even do
it justice, because God doesn’t really gain anything, because <u>the nature of God
is that he lacks nothing</u>. So he chose to do something that we could never do,
and frankly would never choose to do. <b>God created man for man’s benefit</b>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Wrapping
your mind around that would take an eternity, which is appropriate since that
is what we all have.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">------ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><i>What does
this mean as we pursue relationships with other people?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><i>Does our
purpose for relationships change when we consider this purpose of God’s?<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 130%; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><i>How does
this idea shape your understanding of God’s love for you?</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-3142201431922806302014-03-27T06:00:00.000-07:002014-03-27T06:00:08.257-07:00Listening.<h2>
Listening.</h2>
Generally speaking, people have to tell me things multiple times. I have a horrible memory. Long-term and short-term - it doesn't matter. I have a theory why my memory is so bad: maybe I never "knew" the thing I was supposed to remember?<br />
<br />
I don't want this to be true - but I don't think I have a memory problem. I think I have a listening problem. Some people call it selective listening, I just call it "not listening". I get very focused on single things and I tend to ignore all other stuff. I don't bounce from thing to thing and when focused on something I am rarely distracted. To be honest, I am the opposite of people who suffer from ADHD. Should I feel good that people take drugs to be more like I am naturally?<br />
<br />
Seriously, I am the extreme in the other direction and it can be just as unhealthy. My wife is the perfect picture of a multi-tasker and it is a source of contention with us. She can iron clothes, have a discussion about finances and watch a television show all at the same time. I can only do one of those things at a time and I get very frustrated when I am expected to watch a show and have a serious conversation with Kelly. <b>She struggles to slow down and I struggle to speed up.</b> It is strange how two similar people can be so opposite in how they listen and relate with the world. Although we agree on most things, figuring out that we have common ground is sometimes hard. Listening is the key to us being on the same page and we both listen differently. We both can listen though!<br />
<br />
So my task is two-fold: making sure I am listening to Kelly the best I can and trusting that Kelly is listening to me. When Kelly has something to communicate I need to make sure I show her that I value her by changing my focus from what I was doing to actively listening to her. I also need to respect that Kelly is able to listen to me while completing a different task at the same time.<br />
<b>Acknowledging and respecting where we are different will help us to interact and listen to each other better.</b><br />
<br />
<i>How do you listen best? </i><br />
<i>Are you able to listen well while also engaged in another task?</i><br />
<i>How does your spouse or child expect you to listen? </i><br />
<i>Do they require more focus on tasks than you do, or are they more of a multi-tasker?</i><br />
<br />
<br />lukerameyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08348746360890779326noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5041027.post-35240072627553424672014-03-25T14:21:00.000-07:002014-03-25T14:43:08.773-07:00Where am I looking for acceptance?<div class="Body">
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<h2>
<b>Where am I looking for acceptance?</b></h2>
<div class="Body">
Looking back on my Jr. High and High School years I can rattle off
the names of girls who consumed my thoughts. I wanted to be accepted by
these girls and for them to validate me as worthy. I was sometimes
successful and other times I failed miserably - but no matter the outcome it
seemed that this was a pattern that would continue to repeat itself over and
over again. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
I remember the girl I dated before my wife, it was my last
foolish endeavor. I had looked for acceptance from girls, to validate my worth,
long enough and I had to break the cycle - and that is precisely what I did. The ending was liberating, messy, but liberating. This is what we do though, right? <b>We validate our worth by the acceptance we
are able to gain in relationships.</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>- If my parents accept the choices I make, I have value to them.</i><br /><i>- If a person accepts my invitation for a romantic relationship,
I have value to them.</i></span></div>
<div class="Body">
When I finally broke free I found myself judging my worth based
on the only relationship that truly mattered. <b>I find that the value God places
on me is my true value. </b>God is the creator and the constant, which makes Him
able to define my worth better than any other. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
Temperature has been historically measured by the expansion and
"rising of mercury" because that is a constant that everyone can use
so that we communicate correctly how the weather outside feels. Mercury is the
constant that can be trusted because it will always react the same way. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
Our mom, dad and friends are mostly constant - but they are not
"<i>flawlessly constant</i>" like God. For us to understand what our true
worth is we need to turn to the one who accepts us, because he also created us.
It is through the eyes of God that our value and worth are truly seen. God's
eyes are the only ones that can accurately perceive our value and it is through
scripture that God communicates the value and worth He sees (and created) in us.<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">"The Lord is for me, I will not be afraid. What can man do
to me?" - <b>Psalm 118:6</b></span></i></div>
<div class="Body">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still
sinners, Christ died for us." - <b>Romans 5:8</b></span></i></div>
<div class="Body">
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God,
so that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your care on Him,
because He cares about you." - <b>1 Peter 5:6-7</b></span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b><br /></b></span></i></div>
<div class="Body">
Our value - our worth - is found in the one who has the authority
and is a constant that all things can, and will, be judged by. <b>We are accepted by God; is that going to be enough for us?</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
<i>Where do you look for acceptance?</i><br />
<i>Who do you let define your value and worth?</i><br />
<i>How can you begin to rely on the value and worth God has for you?</i><br />
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